Crushed

I haven't posted anything in a while because I haven't been able to create anything in a while. I'm really hoping I'll get whatever I've lost back by the end of the month because the absence of a release for all my anxiety and depression is just making things worse. Thank you all for your continued support! When I get back to where I need to be, I'll do some give-away deal as a small token of my appreciation. For now, here's something I made with Photoshop (no, not MS Paint) five years ago....

bullet-proof book

Painting is the path I most commonly take when trying to escape the things in this world that bring me down. I believe this to be apparent in the often sad expressions and always tired eyes of my characters. By the end of my process, I can usually find a way to smile and/or laugh again, and I think that is evident in the goofiness and bright colors in those characters. The feeling I get when I finish a painting and like it defines happiness to me. Nothing I have ever experienced compares. There are times though, when I can't seem to find where that path begins. When life traps me in an angry, hopeless mood that I can't paint my way out of, I write.

While my painting has a mix of emotions, 95% of my writing is simply a release of hate and darkness. Therefore, to protect myself from this darkness, I attached my writing to a black helmet, with black-framed goggles, in a black pack of cigarettes (which symbolize the deadliness of living with hate). Inside, is something very light. Keykey's dumb innocence and often trouble-inducing curiosity, more-so than her majestic coat, make her a truly beautiful creature. I don't want to run into windows when I see birds or anything, but these are qualities that I strive for. I want to push all the bullshit out of my mind and just enjoy life. I really hope to make 2012 another big step towards that goal.

cover

pages

inside

Big ups to Ruben for inspiring me to finally put this shit together and supporting it's creation! Even though a lot of the content came from suffering, the construction of this "book" presented a few challenges that I had a lot of fun conquering.

SUCH good writing!

The following is a quote from the TV show, "Hell on Wheels." The completion of the first season solidified its position as my number one favorite show of any genre.

Reverend Cole: There’s a god, of that I have no doubt. But there’s a devil too, and you know what that old devil did? You want me to tell you about that? That devil, he cut off gods arms, and he hacked off gods legs, and he gouged out his eyes, ripped out his tongue, and left him lying in a bloody heap on the floor. But he left god’s ears so he could hear us down here when we’re wailing, and thrashing, and praying for his help. But brother, there ain’t a damn thing god can do to help us.

Bohannon: What are you saying preacher?

Cole: Just choose hate. It’s so much easier.

"This Will Be My New Home"

This fan of Forest Whitaker is too small to only show part of, so I made the picture of him black and white. It took me almost as long to pick the colors as it did to paint him though. If you come to the show I'll be announcing shortly, you should be pleasantly surprised by them.

"The Day That Steve Martin Died"

I think the new episodes of "The Office" are funny, but I really miss the ridiculous Michael Scott quotes. Steve Carrell plays that same character in everything he does, but it was actually funny in "The Office." I hope he realizes what a huge mistake he's made and goes back soon. Anyways, here's part of my most recent painting...

three months of monster evolution

The past few months have brought about a more dramatic change in my style that any previous years. I may still be a wreck (or even more of one than before), but I feel like the improvement in my work makes up for at least some of that which I still need to make in myself.

things that are good

The following is a short list of things that have been inspiring and influencing me lately. I hope you enjoy them even half as much as I do!

1. "Hell on Wheels"

"Hell on Wheels" is AMC's new show about the building of the transcontinental railroad and the extreme badassery of a man named Cullen Bohannon. Bohannon is a good man but isn't afraid to put his morals aside if they get in the way of his mission to avenge his wife, who was killed by Union soldiers while he was off fucking their comrades up super hard. He doesn't mow down as many people as I was expecting him to after the opening scene of the pilot episode (which was mind-blowingly awesome), but Cullen definitely makes it obvious that he's not the type to take any guff. Also, Common fucks a white hooker with face tattoos which stirs up trouble with some Irish prick.

2. "Celestial Lineage" by Wolves in the Throne Room

Early sunsets and cold weather make black metal so much more appealing. This year, Wolves in the Throne Room released an album that will be far from forgotten when springs returns the enjoyable weather to Southern California, or wherever I am when that time comes. "Celestial Lineage" is a breath of fresh air in a scene that often seems to be nothing more than corpse-paint, pentagrams, and triggered drums. These Washingtonian farm-dwellers prove once again that they'd be fit to share the stage with any Norwegian act of the 90's or ambient groups like their fans, Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Put your headphones and a thick jacket on, hike out into the woods on a rainy day, and blast this shit!

3. "Spit and Argue" by The Greenery

I recently got the chance to see The Chariot throw a party on the side stage at Soma in San Diego. One of the last things I expected when I arrived in SD that night was to see some hardcore skate-punk. That's what happened though, and I loved every second of it. The Greenery are from Long Beach and they bring the noise in a very serious way. "Spit and Argue" makes me want to swing a skateboard at a crowd of assholes and knock out at least sixty teeth by doing so. I bought this album no more than five minutes after their set and am pleased to announce that the members of the band I met seemed like really nice kids. Please join me in supporting them.